After re-introducting myself into the online journal community, I chose to completely ignore its existence and concentrate on my lack of a 'regular' life. When I have a passion for something, it consumes me. It takes over everything I am, every aspect of my life, until I am nothing but that 'thing'. My life, for the greater part of a year, can be defined through one brand. It is difficult to separate the personal from the professional when you spend 40 hours plus every week with people in your own age range discussing numbers, bugdets, goals, statistics, projected growth rate, churn, ARPU, product launches and all those other terms that coporate suits love to use. I became an extension of a brand and deliberately chose to associate solely with other tenticles of that brand. Everyday I wonder if this is who I really am. Do I believe in this corporate entity so much that I am willing to allow it to become me? Isn't that what they want?
I see it everyday ... that one overachiever who tries to motivate the rest of the mediocres in the performing up to their 'true' potential. But can you really give yourself 100% to something you only consider a stepping stone to the rest of your life? Should you feel inferior if you can't? What if you've settled for the fact that this is as far as you'll go and you should just give it everything you've got because it's your only chance? What if the passion you have comes from the fact that it is the only thing you REALLY know? Do all employees of those big name companies truly believe that they are making a positive impact on the world ... or do they just get paid enough not to really give a shit?
I am inherently not a good person. I have spent most of my life being selfish. I still do whatever I can to get as much as I can, even though now it isn't always on purpose. I don't mean to hurt people most of the time, but if I do, I try not to let it bug me. So if I have to turn a blind eye to outsourcing and lack of quality and choice to get a dollar for dollar match to a donation in my father's name, so be it. Then again, sometimes I don't bother caring about other people's fathers because mine is already gone. But he would want me to. Maybe I'll worry about someone else's children instead. I just want to feel like I'm okay ... even if I don't go out of my way to help, even if I don't have to make any large effort, that the money will just be taken from me and given to someone else, that I am okay because I did that.
This post probably has no direction. I don't really care. I wonder how much of the money I give will actually go to the real people who they based that commercial on. The commercial that makes me cry everytime I see it because it makes me feel hopeless, like no one has a chance. Will it really give someone a chance? Or will it just buy that guy who is in charge of the funding a nicer chair to park his fat ass on? I hope not.
I see it everyday ... that one overachiever who tries to motivate the rest of the mediocres in the performing up to their 'true' potential. But can you really give yourself 100% to something you only consider a stepping stone to the rest of your life? Should you feel inferior if you can't? What if you've settled for the fact that this is as far as you'll go and you should just give it everything you've got because it's your only chance? What if the passion you have comes from the fact that it is the only thing you REALLY know? Do all employees of those big name companies truly believe that they are making a positive impact on the world ... or do they just get paid enough not to really give a shit?
I am inherently not a good person. I have spent most of my life being selfish. I still do whatever I can to get as much as I can, even though now it isn't always on purpose. I don't mean to hurt people most of the time, but if I do, I try not to let it bug me. So if I have to turn a blind eye to outsourcing and lack of quality and choice to get a dollar for dollar match to a donation in my father's name, so be it. Then again, sometimes I don't bother caring about other people's fathers because mine is already gone. But he would want me to. Maybe I'll worry about someone else's children instead. I just want to feel like I'm okay ... even if I don't go out of my way to help, even if I don't have to make any large effort, that the money will just be taken from me and given to someone else, that I am okay because I did that.
This post probably has no direction. I don't really care. I wonder how much of the money I give will actually go to the real people who they based that commercial on. The commercial that makes me cry everytime I see it because it makes me feel hopeless, like no one has a chance. Will it really give someone a chance? Or will it just buy that guy who is in charge of the funding a nicer chair to park his fat ass on? I hope not.
